I'm sorry...
As one Jackson is laid to rest, others are about to return from oblivion.
Jermaine, Jackie, Tito and Marlon Jackson announced a new tour at a press conference today, joined by British rockers, Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey.
The 6 Rock and Roll Hall of Famers will join forces next year for “Who’s Left,” an ambitious 30-city extravaganza of “sight, sound and merchandising” assembled by TRD Productions.
Townshend, guitarist and principal songwriter for The Who, said “we have been touring for almost 10 years without key members in our lineup, and I feel the Jackson brothers can keep things going till I’ve paid off my civil suits.”
Daltrey admits he had reservations about Michael’s famous off-spring joining the Who tour.
“All they do is sing, all I do is sing… It seemed Peter was trying to replace me, but I reminded him that I have many more frequent flyer miles than he, and the situation resolved itself.”
Harv Moshman, a concert industry analyst, noted that both groups have had economic problems as of late. “The Who’s tours have gotten steadily more thrifty. Instead of smashing their guitars for a finale, Pete Townshend merely clips his guitar stings. [Drummer] Zak Starkey uses breakaway drumsticks that crack cleanly and are easily re-assembled. The Jacksons’ back catalog sells respectably, but their tours consist mainly of comparison shopping at various IKEAs around the country.” (“Tito” is Swedish for “affordable home furnishing,” and is the name of the Dutch company’s best-selling chaise).
Moshman added that the timing of this announcement isn’t due to the King of Pop’s passing. “To put a tour together this quickly after Michael’s death would be impossible. Clearly, this has been in the works. Pun intended.”
Tom Fitzgerald, spokesman for TRD, added that band is aware of economic pressure on their fans, and have priced tickets accordingly. The best seats, those in the hilariously named “Gold Circle,” will range in price from $300-$700 a piece, while the cheapest seats, in the parking lot, will be just $80 if purchased online (though this does not include the cost of parking a vehicle).
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
COPS QUESTION WITNESS IN CENSUS MURDER
Here's another scoop from your favorite blogger.
Mentally retarded man thought he was being helpful
Nearly a month after census worker Bill Sparkman was found dead in Kentucky, authorities are still trying to determine why he was killed.
On Thursday, Police caught a break when 61-year-old Marc Zortman made a stunning statement.
Sparkman's body, found hanging from a tree with "fed" scrawled on it, was apparently on the ground and graffiti-free when Marc saw it, 12 hours before Police arrived on the scene.
Zortman, who resides at Shady Hills Hospital due to an IQ of 90, was out on a weekly hike when he saw what looked like "one of them store-window people, you know?" Approaching cautiously so "I wouldn't miss any blue light specials," he was saddened to find a lifeless body and not a mannequin. Instead of reporting the death, Marc simply "hung up the body like a sticky note." He then claims he "wrote 'feed' on it, so somebody would give the poor fella a meal. I mean, he looked beat." The mis-spelling to "fed," coupled with the rope used to "post" Sparkman's body, disturbed valuable forensic evidence and led Police to conclude it was an anti-goverment hanging. But the FBI say there's not much they can do to Zortman given his IQ.
"Marc doesn't really understand death or dying, and he certainly can't check vitals" said Dr. Edward Klein, Zortman's physician. "He was probably just trying to help, like anyone would if they found a hungry cat or dog." Klein's explanation cleared Zortman of any wrongdoing, and the pair were back at the hospital in time for Marc's favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men.
Mentally retarded man thought he was being helpful
Nearly a month after census worker Bill Sparkman was found dead in Kentucky, authorities are still trying to determine why he was killed.
On Thursday, Police caught a break when 61-year-old Marc Zortman made a stunning statement.
Sparkman's body, found hanging from a tree with "fed" scrawled on it, was apparently on the ground and graffiti-free when Marc saw it, 12 hours before Police arrived on the scene.
Zortman, who resides at Shady Hills Hospital due to an IQ of 90, was out on a weekly hike when he saw what looked like "one of them store-window people, you know?" Approaching cautiously so "I wouldn't miss any blue light specials," he was saddened to find a lifeless body and not a mannequin. Instead of reporting the death, Marc simply "hung up the body like a sticky note." He then claims he "wrote 'feed' on it, so somebody would give the poor fella a meal. I mean, he looked beat." The mis-spelling to "fed," coupled with the rope used to "post" Sparkman's body, disturbed valuable forensic evidence and led Police to conclude it was an anti-goverment hanging. But the FBI say there's not much they can do to Zortman given his IQ.
"Marc doesn't really understand death or dying, and he certainly can't check vitals" said Dr. Edward Klein, Zortman's physician. "He was probably just trying to help, like anyone would if they found a hungry cat or dog." Klein's explanation cleared Zortman of any wrongdoing, and the pair were back at the hospital in time for Marc's favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men.
Paul McCartney Boxed Set in 2010
In 1981, and again in 1987, Paul McCartney considered releasing an LP of outtakes titled Hot Hitz/Cold Cuts (or something similar).
John Lennon's unconscionable death scuttled the '81 release, and I would guess that in '87 Paul simply wanted to forget Wings (who play on much of this material).
McCartney and the Rolling Stones (more on them soon) are probably the only major acts to have never released such a collection. Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Led Zeppelin and The Who are major acts who HAVE released such collections. They had quality material, insatiable fanbases and long careers to satisfy.
Now, it seems there will be a 4 CD boxed set released in 2010 of unreleased material.
Those tunes I have heard are first rate, and many are available on a site whose name rhymes with YouTube.
Tentative track list is below, with my notes in brackets...
DISK 1: 1969-1972
1. Goodbye [demo for Mary Hopkin's hit version]
2. Maybe I'm Amazed - 1st original mix by Chris Thomas
3. Every Night - take 1
4. Rode All Night - edit
5. A Love For You [available on the soundtrack for the unnecessary 2003 remake of The In-Laws]
6. Little Lamb Dragonfly - without strings
7. Get On The Right Thing - take 1
8. Monkberry Moon Delight - alternate vocal take
9. Sunshine Sometime
10. Big Barn Bed - complete Ram ukulele version
11. Dear Friend - w/o strings and horns
12. Some People Never Know - oboe version
13. Breakfast Blues - instrumental edit
14. Mary Had A Little Lamb - long version
15. Give Ireland Back To The Irish - slow version take 2
16. Tragedy
17. Thank You Darling
18. Soily -1972 studio version [ROCK]
19. Best Friend - studio version
20. The Mess - studio version
21. C Moon Jam - with John Bonham
22. Lazy Dynamite - long version
23. Night Out - instrumental
24. Hi Hi Hi - slow verson
25. Only One More Kiss - take 1
Disc 2: 1973-1978
1. Gotta Sing Gotta Dance [from Paul's 1973 TV special]
2. Why am I crying
3. I Lie Around
4. Six o'Clock [for Ringo's 1973 LP Ringo]
5. Bluebird
6. Let's Love (April 1974 Version) [recorded by Peggy Lee]
7. Send Me The Heart (Take 1)
8. Blackpool
9. One Hand Clapping Theme [from Paul's unreleased 1974 documentary about Wings]
1O. Live & Let Die (74 Version) [No idea why he would re-record this in 1974... maybe they were going to replace Roger Moore with George Lazenby?]
11. Soily (74 Version)
12. Love In Song (Take 1)
13. Rockshow (74 Version)
14. Wild Cat
15. Baby Face
16. The Note You Never Wrote (Take 1, Paul & Denny Everly's Version)
17. Silly Love Songs (Fun Version)
18. Must Do Something About It (Paul on vocal)
19. She's My Baby (Rock Version)
20. Waterspout [ROCK]
21. One Woman
22. Girlfriend (First Version)
23. Twelve Of The Clock
24. Did We Meet Somewhere Before [played under the opening scene of Rock 'n Roll High School]
25. Goodnight Tonight (Original 1978 Version)
Disc 3: 1979-1986
1. Love awake (Ranachan Version) [Ranachan is Paul's ranch... clever]
2. Rockestra Theme (Wings Version) [Re-recorded with members of the Who and Led Zeppelin, winning a Grammy in 1979... this is great music for editing together highlights from your Snowboarding Fantasy Camp]
3. Cage
4. Robber's Ball
5. Blue Sway
6. Attention (Paul's guide vocal) [for Ringo's 1981 LP Stop & Smell the Roses]
7. Ode to a Koala bear (Take 1)
8. Rainclouds/George Martin & Paul dialogue about John
9. Blackpool (1981 version)
10. All the Love is There (With Stewart Copeland on Drums)
11. I'll Give You a Ring
12. No Values (1981 Montserrat Version)
13. Tug Of War (1st string arrangement version)
14. Stop You Don't Know Where She Came From (With great Brass section)
15. Long & Winding Road / Ebony & Ivory Strawberry jam medley (With Stevie Wonder) [on a side note, track down Stevie's funky 1966 cover of "We Can Work It Out"]
16. Tug Of War acoustic reprise
17. The Fool On The Hill
18. Martha My Dear / Gloriana Medieval Guitar Piece Medley
19. Your School
20. Lindiana [if you don't get the joke, you are dead inside... call your HMO]
21. Yvonne
22. Goodtimes Coming / Feel The Sun (Long Version)
23. Angry long jam version (with Pete Townsend & Phil Collins) [He must have been Angry that Phil Collins was in the room... I would be, too. The man may be a life-sized Cabbage Patch Kid, but boy can he play the drums]
24. Hey Diddle (Paul & Linda duet, Chris Thomas 1986 version)
25. Linda
26. Who Let the Dogs Out [just kidding]
John Lennon's unconscionable death scuttled the '81 release, and I would guess that in '87 Paul simply wanted to forget Wings (who play on much of this material).
McCartney and the Rolling Stones (more on them soon) are probably the only major acts to have never released such a collection. Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Led Zeppelin and The Who are major acts who HAVE released such collections. They had quality material, insatiable fanbases and long careers to satisfy.
Now, it seems there will be a 4 CD boxed set released in 2010 of unreleased material.
Those tunes I have heard are first rate, and many are available on a site whose name rhymes with YouTube.
Tentative track list is below, with my notes in brackets...
DISK 1: 1969-1972
1. Goodbye [demo for Mary Hopkin's hit version]
2. Maybe I'm Amazed - 1st original mix by Chris Thomas
3. Every Night - take 1
4. Rode All Night - edit
5. A Love For You [available on the soundtrack for the unnecessary 2003 remake of The In-Laws]
6. Little Lamb Dragonfly - without strings
7. Get On The Right Thing - take 1
8. Monkberry Moon Delight - alternate vocal take
9. Sunshine Sometime
10. Big Barn Bed - complete Ram ukulele version
11. Dear Friend - w/o strings and horns
12. Some People Never Know - oboe version
13. Breakfast Blues - instrumental edit
14. Mary Had A Little Lamb - long version
15. Give Ireland Back To The Irish - slow version take 2
16. Tragedy
17. Thank You Darling
18. Soily -1972 studio version [ROCK]
19. Best Friend - studio version
20. The Mess - studio version
21. C Moon Jam - with John Bonham
22. Lazy Dynamite - long version
23. Night Out - instrumental
24. Hi Hi Hi - slow verson
25. Only One More Kiss - take 1
Disc 2: 1973-1978
1. Gotta Sing Gotta Dance [from Paul's 1973 TV special]
2. Why am I crying
3. I Lie Around
4. Six o'Clock [for Ringo's 1973 LP Ringo]
5. Bluebird
6. Let's Love (April 1974 Version) [recorded by Peggy Lee]
7. Send Me The Heart (Take 1)
8. Blackpool
9. One Hand Clapping Theme [from Paul's unreleased 1974 documentary about Wings]
1O. Live & Let Die (74 Version) [No idea why he would re-record this in 1974... maybe they were going to replace Roger Moore with George Lazenby?]
11. Soily (74 Version)
12. Love In Song (Take 1)
13. Rockshow (74 Version)
14. Wild Cat
15. Baby Face
16. The Note You Never Wrote (Take 1, Paul & Denny Everly's Version)
17. Silly Love Songs (Fun Version)
18. Must Do Something About It (Paul on vocal)
19. She's My Baby (Rock Version)
20. Waterspout [ROCK]
21. One Woman
22. Girlfriend (First Version)
23. Twelve Of The Clock
24. Did We Meet Somewhere Before [played under the opening scene of Rock 'n Roll High School]
25. Goodnight Tonight (Original 1978 Version)
Disc 3: 1979-1986
1. Love awake (Ranachan Version) [Ranachan is Paul's ranch... clever]
2. Rockestra Theme (Wings Version) [Re-recorded with members of the Who and Led Zeppelin, winning a Grammy in 1979... this is great music for editing together highlights from your Snowboarding Fantasy Camp]
3. Cage
4. Robber's Ball
5. Blue Sway
6. Attention (Paul's guide vocal) [for Ringo's 1981 LP Stop & Smell the Roses]
7. Ode to a Koala bear (Take 1)
8. Rainclouds/George Martin & Paul dialogue about John
9. Blackpool (1981 version)
10. All the Love is There (With Stewart Copeland on Drums)
11. I'll Give You a Ring
12. No Values (1981 Montserrat Version)
13. Tug Of War (1st string arrangement version)
14. Stop You Don't Know Where She Came From (With great Brass section)
15. Long & Winding Road / Ebony & Ivory Strawberry jam medley (With Stevie Wonder) [on a side note, track down Stevie's funky 1966 cover of "We Can Work It Out"]
16. Tug Of War acoustic reprise
17. The Fool On The Hill
18. Martha My Dear / Gloriana Medieval Guitar Piece Medley
19. Your School
20. Lindiana [if you don't get the joke, you are dead inside... call your HMO]
21. Yvonne
22. Goodtimes Coming / Feel The Sun (Long Version)
23. Angry long jam version (with Pete Townsend & Phil Collins) [He must have been Angry that Phil Collins was in the room... I would be, too. The man may be a life-sized Cabbage Patch Kid, but boy can he play the drums]
24. Hey Diddle (Paul & Linda duet, Chris Thomas 1986 version)
25. Linda
26. Who Let the Dogs Out [just kidding]
Top Chef & Hell's Kitchen
I hate reality TV. The inane competitions- don't we have enough problems these days? The shaky camera work which has infected all other TV. The lame, talent-less private citizens (or Z-list celebs) duking it out for the privilege of looking idiotic in front of millions of people (and maybe a few bucks). Who needs it?
Lately, though, my limited TV watching has expanded to include Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen.
Both programs feature (mostly) talented competitors and (occasionally) talented or engaging hosts who actually get involved in the action. Has Jeff Probst ever eaten live worms? Do I care if he does? NO! But Gordon Ramsay yelling about salty risotto is a treat.
Watching these programs, I realize I could never be a chef or run a restaurant. Frankly, I don't even think I'm qualified to be a "foodie."
Problem the first: Most dishes involves seafood. YUCK. I HATE SEAFOOD. I hate everything that comes out of the sea. Bass, trout, crab, lobster, old tires... I realize these are delicacies to most of you, but that "fishy smell" puts me off every time. Old tires are an exception; they burn really well and prized for their flavor in that one country shaped like a shoelace.
Other unconventional meats (venison, quayle) keep popping up on the shows as well. Where's the Kobe beef? Free-range chicken? Pork? And why are the portions so small? Every dish has a morsel of food. Not cool. I don't want to stuff myself, but I also don't want to judge a chef's future on a Rubik's Cube.
They also challenge my pronounciation of SO many dishes. Is it "ri-SO-to" or "ri-sat-to"? "G'nocchi" or "No-chi"? "Cardamom" or "Cardamon"? They should do what I do... just point at the menu and say to the waiter "bring me thiiiiiiiiiissssssss" like a 4-year-old.
Chef Gordon Ramsay is my hero. His high standards and passion for EVERYthing, coupled with a delightful potty mouth, can't be beat.
The Top Chef hosts, however, leave me cold (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). Tom Coliciciciiioo has the warmth of a humorless gym teacher waiting for the chubby kid to finish the mile run. Padma Laxmi may know what she likes, but she seems to know nothing about the culinary arts. She speaks only to jump on a bashing bandwagon ("That WAS salty, wasn't it, Tom?"). Her major duties seem to be setting up the opening challenge ("Quick Fire"), disappearing for 48 minutes, then popping in at the end to say "please send in your colleagues" to the losing chefs. In between, she must be in her trailer on Match.com, trying to find "The World's Most Boring Husband." (Side note: this woman has major Daddy issues, and I don't think she should be around this many knives so often).
And who's dressing her? In promos, she's wearing a shiny blue dress and the world's longest pony tail. I knew this was the Las Vegas edition of "Top Chef" because she looks like craps.
The final recurring judge is Toby Young, who you may remember from Elton John's revival of Kojak. This acid-tongued Brit has struck the perfect balance between Queen Bitch and Serious Gourmand. Colicchio should be replaced by Young, while Padma should be replaced by Gordon Ramsay. In a dress.
To sum up, Top Chef gets a C. "C" for contrived. Hell's Kitchen is an A, kept from an A+ only because of its erratic schedule and Chef Ramsay's restraining order against me. (Gordon: There is a crack starting in the foundation of your house, just below the left rear window in the sun room. It's not huge, but I'd get it patched before winter).
Lately, though, my limited TV watching has expanded to include Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen.
Both programs feature (mostly) talented competitors and (occasionally) talented or engaging hosts who actually get involved in the action. Has Jeff Probst ever eaten live worms? Do I care if he does? NO! But Gordon Ramsay yelling about salty risotto is a treat.
Watching these programs, I realize I could never be a chef or run a restaurant. Frankly, I don't even think I'm qualified to be a "foodie."
Problem the first: Most dishes involves seafood. YUCK. I HATE SEAFOOD. I hate everything that comes out of the sea. Bass, trout, crab, lobster, old tires... I realize these are delicacies to most of you, but that "fishy smell" puts me off every time. Old tires are an exception; they burn really well and prized for their flavor in that one country shaped like a shoelace.
Other unconventional meats (venison, quayle) keep popping up on the shows as well. Where's the Kobe beef? Free-range chicken? Pork? And why are the portions so small? Every dish has a morsel of food. Not cool. I don't want to stuff myself, but I also don't want to judge a chef's future on a Rubik's Cube.
They also challenge my pronounciation of SO many dishes. Is it "ri-SO-to" or "ri-sat-to"? "G'nocchi" or "No-chi"? "Cardamom" or "Cardamon"? They should do what I do... just point at the menu and say to the waiter "bring me thiiiiiiiiiissssssss" like a 4-year-old.
Chef Gordon Ramsay is my hero. His high standards and passion for EVERYthing, coupled with a delightful potty mouth, can't be beat.
The Top Chef hosts, however, leave me cold (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). Tom Coliciciciiioo has the warmth of a humorless gym teacher waiting for the chubby kid to finish the mile run. Padma Laxmi may know what she likes, but she seems to know nothing about the culinary arts. She speaks only to jump on a bashing bandwagon ("That WAS salty, wasn't it, Tom?"). Her major duties seem to be setting up the opening challenge ("Quick Fire"), disappearing for 48 minutes, then popping in at the end to say "please send in your colleagues" to the losing chefs. In between, she must be in her trailer on Match.com, trying to find "The World's Most Boring Husband." (Side note: this woman has major Daddy issues, and I don't think she should be around this many knives so often).
And who's dressing her? In promos, she's wearing a shiny blue dress and the world's longest pony tail. I knew this was the Las Vegas edition of "Top Chef" because she looks like craps.
The final recurring judge is Toby Young, who you may remember from Elton John's revival of Kojak. This acid-tongued Brit has struck the perfect balance between Queen Bitch and Serious Gourmand. Colicchio should be replaced by Young, while Padma should be replaced by Gordon Ramsay. In a dress.
To sum up, Top Chef gets a C. "C" for contrived. Hell's Kitchen is an A, kept from an A+ only because of its erratic schedule and Chef Ramsay's restraining order against me. (Gordon: There is a crack starting in the foundation of your house, just below the left rear window in the sun room. It's not huge, but I'd get it patched before winter).
Welcome
Welcome to my blog... I'll be writing about music, television, films, media, technology and how they fit into society. But I'm a grumpy young man so watch out. There'll be no ironic pop culture references aimed at Gen X/Y.
Let's Be Careful Out There,
KB
Let's Be Careful Out There,
KB
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