Funnies For Sale

VH-1 100 Greatest Artists

2010-09-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

Last week, VH-1 aired a 5 part special listing the 100 Greatest Artists of All-Time, ranked by d-bags like the comically-named Jason Mraz:
http://blog.vh1.com/2010-08-25/who-will-come-out-on-top-of-vh1s-100-greatest-artists-of-all-time/

VH-1 made a similar list in 1998:
http://www.rockonthenet.com/archive/1998/vh1artists.htm

Somehow, the new list does NOT include...
The Supremes
The Temptations
Simon & Garfunkel
The Byrds
Buddy Holly
B.B. King
Creedence (CCR)
Eric Clapton
Frank Zappa
The Four Tops
John Coltrane
Miles Davis
Roy Orbison
Frank Sinatra
Muddy Waters

They were removed to make room for "legends" like:
Tupac
Outkast
Notorious BIG
Journey
Guns 'n Roses
George Michael
Eminem
Depeche Mode
Cheap Trick

BULL SHIT!

Young Audiophiles?

2010-05-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

I often read pieces from "audiophiles" lamenting the lack of young people interested in the hobby. I recently experienced first hand why so few fellow Gen Y-ers wouldn’t know good sound if it bit them in the underwear.

I visited a friend who has converted his basement into a pretty serious studio. Great mics, acoustical tiles, the works. He records into his laptop using ProTools (no tape!), and wanted me to hear some tracks. The drum sound was nice and tight, a bit restrained, but otherwise very pleasing. Not unlike the drums on Bonnie Raitt’s first album. The guitar sounded quite "bold" and unencumbered, for lack of a better term.

Now, the kicker.

He says, "oops, I only have the 2 overhead mic tracks selected," and he proceeded to activate about 16 more mic channels in the recording. YUCK! Unfocused slabs of drums started coming through the speakers, trying to melt my face. It made Metallica's "Black Album" sound polite.

Then, he proceeded to demonstrate the 50+ effects he could use to digitally muck-up the guitar (adding plenty of the HF hash associated with bad digital).

Only after all of this processing did he have a sound with which he was happy. I recorded a band last year, very simply, on a reel to reel deck with some basic mics. The sound was by no means "audiophilic," but it was far more pleasing than the onslaught I experienced in this "real" studio. Every time I see/hear a beat-up Chevy Cavalier blasting crappy Nickelback songs, it reminds me that most people only THINK they recognize good sound. And there's not much we can do about this. If they don't value good sound, or their hearing, why would they buy and listen to a decent audio system? An iPod with those ear-shredding mouse-turd headphones suits them just fine.

How the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame Works

2010-03-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

Every Spring, as the pot plants bloom and another class is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I read SOOOOOOO many posts from d-bags about who's in, who's not, why they're not, etc.

I'm a rocker, I understand these critics and the record biz, so here it is.

Officially, a performer is eligible for the Rock Hall 25 years after the release of their first record under that name. Bruce Springsteen was inducted in 1999. But "Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band" won't be eligible until 2011; the first release bearing that name was the (underwhelming) Live 1975-85 compilation.

There's also a gray area regarding which members of a group are inducted. Santana has had 8,000 members in the last 40 years. Yet only the original, "classic" lineup (1967-1972) is in the HoF. The rules can be bent, however, by the powers-that-be. Fleetwood Mac started as a British blues band fronted by Peter Green and (alleged molester) Jeremy Spencer. Then they morphed toward a poppier sound with hitmaker Bob Welch. Then came the most popular lineup with Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham. All of these folks are in except Welch (from the middle lineup). Weird. It's the same reason Dave Winfield is wearing a Padres cap in Cooperstown.

Who makes these calls? Jann Wenner (founder of Rolling Stone), Ahmet Ertegun (founder of Atlantic Records) and other music biz giants running the Rock Hall Board. Who can blame them? They put the Rock Hall together, they’ve discovered/mentored hundreds of talented musicians... why would they want to crap up the HoF with acts they find unworthy?

They decide who is nominated, when, which members, under what name, etc. It's then up to a huge pool of music biz professionals (ranging from Paul Shaffer to George Martin) to actually vote on the inductees.

Is this the RECORD SALES Hall of Fame? NO! If it were, The Carpenters, George Michael, Barry Manilow and Lionel Richie would have been inducted by now.

Is this the MUSIC Hall of Fame? NO! Otherwise, you'd have Gershwin and Paul Whiteman next to Cher and the Four Lads.

Is this the INTERNATIONAL Music Hall of Fame? NO! Then you'd see Wagner and Ravi Shankar with Bryan Adams and Pink Lady.

Is this even the POP Hall of Fame? Somewhat.

Unofficially, getting into the Rock Hall requires an act to have AT LEAST two of the following four criteria in their corner:

critical acclaim

huge record sales (POP, as in popularity)

influence on future acts

love from the Rock Hall board of Ertegun, Wenner, etc. (this one sticks in the craw of every Rock Hall naysayer)

Some acts are slam dunks: Elvis, The Beatles, Chuck Berry, The Rolling Stones, Aretha Franklin, Bob Dylan, etc. But The Dave Clark Five, The Hollies, Donna Summer... none of these acts were on the radar a decade ago. Yet love from the board eventually melted the hearts of voters.

The Velvet Underground sold maybe 14 albums in their lifetime, but their huge influence continues to this day. (Love from the board helps).

Neil Diamond, Grand Funk, Chicago and Journey were all popular in their day, but critics hated them and their music isn't played much anymore (aside from a couple of singles). Influence? Minimal. Yet I read far too many complaints about their exclusion. Again, would the Hall invite chronic bed-wetters to their pool party? NO!

The Monkees were very popular for 2 years, marginally influential ("look at this show, ma! I wanna start a band!"), but critically dismissed. Davy Jones contends that Wenner has a personal dislike for the group, which is a shame. Most of the great Motown acts (Temptations, Supremes, Four Tops, etc.) sang while others played on and wrote their records. The Monkees started out that way, then began playing and writing as well. Give 'em a shot!

Hall & Oates were hugely popular, critics were indifferent, yet they have proven increasingly influential in the 25 years since they stopped having hits. The Board must have a problem.

The Moody Blues were quite popular from 1967-81. Yet there are few symphonic pop bands out there today. Critics have always felt their albums were contrived. (Examples include the spoken word sections of Days of Future Passed and the prologue to "Ride My See-Saw," neither of which has aged well.) So they have a long wait. My suggestion: The Moodies need a concise, highly visible compilation of their magnificent singles to reignite interest. Queen's Classic Queen in the early '90s brought them back into the U.S. limelight, along with Wayne's World and Freddie Mercury's death. I recommend a new compilation, then placing "I'm Just a Singer In a Rock and Roll Band" in a movie, commercial or even video game, and then killing one of the members. Or at least having him disappear in Russia for a few years. Justin Hayward, I'm looking in your direction.

These rules apply only to musical acts. The HoF now has additional, separate categories for record executives, producers, engineers, sidemen and the other talented, overlooked individuals who serve as the glue between the gears of Rock.

Quincy Jones produced Thriller, Off the Wall and countless other hits. Yet in 1991, he gave a rambling, self-serving speech while inducting Ahmet's then-recently deceased brother, Nesuhi, who co-founded Atlantic. Jones is not in the Hall... yet.

Obviously, induction into the Rock Hall is a complicated mess of politics. It's not just about who was the most popular or who had the truest rock and roll outlaw spirit (where's Waylon Jennings?). In the next 10 years, as the number of eligible, un-inducted rock acts dries up, what will the Hall do? Open a hip-hop wing? Close up shop? Change their name to the "Music Hall of Fame"? I suspect they’ll be forced to revisit some of the overlooked acts of the "rock era" (which I define as 1955-85), before plunging headlong into hip hop. My predictions follow. Bear in mind I’m not a fan of many of these acts, but I feel they will still be considered:

The WHY AREN'T THEY IN YET? List These acts should get in right away:

-Ringo Starr (as a solo artist; how many kids took up the drums because of Ringo?! The man's had three hit albums and 7 Top 10 singles, including 2 #1's!)

-Hall & Oates

-Quincy Jones (as a Producer)

-Def Leppard

-Beastie Boys

-Little Feat

-Randy Newman

-Merle Haggard

-Lee "Scratch" Perry

-Lou Reed

-Todd Rundgren

-The Faces/Small Faces

-War

The Next Decade List :

Guess Who

Huey Lewis and the News

Kiss

Stevie Ray Vaughn

Heart

Rush

Roxy Music

J. Geils Band

Sting (solo)

Harry Nilsson

Moody Blues

Badfinger

The Spinners

Cliff Richard

Donovan

Procol Harum

Gram Parsons

Stephen Stills (solo)

Ry Cooder

Jethro Tull

Yes

Steve Miller

Rick James

Jan & Dean

Alice Cooper

The Monkees

The Doobie Brothers

Deep Purple

Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels

Judas Priest

Rufus Thomas

Donna Summer

Phish

Randy Travis

Chicago

Sonic Youth

Carole King (as a Performer; she's already in as a writer)

The E Street Band (may not be eligible till 2012 due to a ridiculous technicality; Bruce was inducted in 1999)

Spinal Tap

Bernie Taupin (as a Writer)

Norman Whitfield (he was Motown's biggest Producer/Writer in the 70s, mostly working with the Temptations)

Al Jolson (early influence; ask David Lee Roth!)

Jimmy Miller (produced all the great Stones albums in the 60s and 70s, plus Traffic, Spencer Davis Group and Motorhead)

Geoff Emerick (engineered every Beatles album from Revolver through Abbey Road, plus "Band On the Run" and LPs by Elvis Costello and Jeff Beck)

Chuck Britz (engineered all the Beach Boys and Jan & Dean hits in the 60s)

John Coltrane (as an early influence)

Al Kooper (for Lifetime Achievement: discovered Skynyrd; started the Blues Project and Blood Sweat & Tears; exec at Columbia Records)

Ed Sullivan (as a Non-Performer; DICK CLARK is in for the same category)

FUTURES (will be eligible in the next decade or so):

Snoop Dog

NWA

Public Enemy

Mariah Carey

Kanye West

50 Cent

Salt n Pepa

Boyz II Men

Babyface

Soundgarden

Green Day

STP

Hole

Steve Albini

Bruce Pavitt and Jonathan Poneman (founders of Sub Pop)

Simon Cowell (American Idol)

Black Crowes

Guns 'n Roses

Nirvana

Pearl Jam

Ice Cube

Ice-T

Rage Against the Machine

Sheryl Crow

Dave Mathews Band

Pantera

Dr. Dre

Janet Jackson

TV Review: "Kojak"

2010-02-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

I just watched an episode of "Kojak" and am totally confused, because it's a 2 parter. So I'll have to watch TV for the next 167 hours to find out what happens. You know what DOESN'T happen? Kojak DOESN'T get a parking ticket. I keep hearing from my Big Apple connections that a "Kojak" is slang for the perfect parking spot, as Det. Kojak could always find one. But that doesn't make sense- if you're a Police Detective, the WHOLE CITY is your parking spot. You can park on orphan baby if you want! Once I parked in my old high school's parking lot so I could run across the street to the vet's. My neighbor needed me to pickup her fish (Gerald), and my neighbor was really hot, so I pretended to love animals and said I'd do ti. When I came back, my car had TWO tickets. One for no parking, and one for having no roof (it was a convertible; what an idiot). Gerald was pure evil, I'm sure of it. I hated that fish, but he hated me first.

TV Review: "The Rockford Files" (1/13/1978)

2010-02-13T22:02:00.000-08:00

I just watched the "Rockford Files" episode "The Gang At Don's Drive-In" about a once great author who's trying to claw his way back into the public consciousness with a new publication. No, not ME. Jack Skowron, the author of the fictitous "Free Fall to Ecstacy." The book has a sort of "Catcher In the Rye" mystique about it within this episode. Personally, I never cared for Salinger's coming-of-age novel. There's nothing about baseball in the whole book, and nothing about bread. No cather, no rye. That may sound like a bad pun, but sports and food are two of the few things that hold my interest. So I didn't care that school library matron Mrs. Ito was offended when I asked for the book. We couldn't even get copies of the Ramona Quimby books because she was convinced "Beezus" was some sort of veiled religious reference. Mrs. Ito, we think, was related to Judge Lance Ito from the O.J. Simpson trial. Remember him? And Kato Kaelin? And Mark Furman? I used to call my cat "Mark FUR-man" because he had white fur and didn't like me, hence his innate racism. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this.

Movie Review: Papillon (1973)

2010-02-13T21:58:00.000-08:00

WHAT A DISAPPOINTING MOVIE!

Look at the DVD case... Steve McQueen! Dustin Hoffman! A gritty '70s prison
story! On an island!!! From the director of Patton (Franklin J. Schaffner)! Oh ma Gawd! Let's get this!

The movie starts well. Beautiful, eye-popping photography. Dustin Hoffman
in Coke bottle glasses. Kick ass. Steve McQueen has a crazy plan! I am
going to love this! And then... it just sits there. McQueen struggles to
carry out the plan over and over and over and over again.

The film is based on the book by Henri Cherriririeiei, about his supposed
real-life expoits as a prisoner on French Guiana. His "daring escape" in the
book is reduced to a "stroll down the lazy river" in the movie. After 2 1/2
hours!

Today's directors all grew up watching "Mr. Belvedere," and it shows. But in the 70s, directors went to fancy film schools and were legally ordered to include one long, boring section of character development in their films. Without it, Roger Ebert automatically took away 2 stars from the review and got to eat one of your kidneys (usually the good one). Dog Day Afternoon has Chris Sarandon whining to Al Pacino. Get Carter has Michael Caine touring Birmingham for 40 minutes. And Papillon could lose about an hour of McQueen silently puttering around jail and the ocean and a tropical island and the jungle.

"Papillon" is French for butterfly, and so I am taking this DVD and submerging it in the case for Cocoon, and hopefully Wilford Brimley can metamorph this mess into something useful. Oatmeal?

MISS ROSA-PBS

2010-02-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

I know all of you love watching Caillou and Super Y on PBS. They're great teasers for the big gun, Sesame Street, and really lull me into a false sense of intelligence before Elmo splatters my television with cute.

The real attraction, though, is between the shows. Not commercials; PBS doesn't have commercials. Just "30 second sponsorship billboards" to pay the bills. (Charlie Rose demands 63 lbs. of fresh fruit in his dressing room every night, even if they're showing a rerun).

Every half hour, Miss Rosa (the Latina goddess of Public Broadcasting) pops up for 30 seconds to teach me about "naranjas" and "los coches" and any other basic Spanish I can grasp. A quick "muy bien," mentions about the next show, and she's gone. It is gut wrenching.

Miss Rosa is actually an actress with an active MySpace page (shouldn't she be on "MuySpace"?), and I think she lives in Philly. That's hot. Cheese steaks! Geno's! Pat's! No service for people who don't speak English! Rock. I worked with a girl who was from Philadelphia, and I asked if she preferred Geno's or Pat's, and she had no idea what I was talking about. So I punched her in the neck. Then she quit a year later because someone told her "we don't put Chinese people on television."

Back to Miss Rosa, who is insanely attractive. Her demeanor is sort of girl-next-door-gets-sent-to-reform-school-but-won't-admit-it. For a while, they were using odd camera angles and I was convinced she was pregnant. And she was STILL hot. Easily one of the 10 hottest women I've ever seen on TV, in movies, or on the radio (what?). She dresses very teacherly and smiles a lot, and I'm convinced she is steering a generation of young boys away from homosexuality. Or at least confusing a generation of young gay boys enough that they'll spend their lives unhappy and withdrawn. Ouch. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this.

I believe Rosa is married in real life, so I've got to ask: does anyone know where he parks his car, and if it has drum or disk brakes? JUST CURIOUS.

Gotta Groove Records

2009-11-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

Cleveland's newest, and I think only, pressing plant is profiled in this cool article.

Read it. Then call them and GET SOME RECORDS PRESSED!

Chicago Emmy Jokes 2009

2009-11-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

These were mine. You have to work in Chicago, and in TV, to get these. No exceptions!

-After 16 years, "The Jerry Springer Show" has left Chicago, which means the bathrooms at NBC Tower no longer need to be labelled "men," "women" and "question mark?"

-Even though WFLD is in hot water for airing the school beating video, Fox
wants to turn it into a regular series starring Rihanna and Chris Brown and
called "Flee."

-Today they announced there's 10% unemployment in this country, with most of
the increase blamed on Channel 2 and Joe Ahern. Actually, CBS is thinking of selling Channel 2 to the government as soon as the "Cash For Clunkers" program is started again.

-With Ft. Hood the site of a deadly massacre yesterday, Sam Zell has expressed
interest in buying the army base as a tax write off.

-With all the bad news in Chicago lately, at least we can be glad we're not
in Cleveland. I understand they've found twelve murder victims in that
house. Sowell says he got the idea years ago from Jeffrey Dahmer, who called it "The Last Supper."

And a not-so-instant Stones boxed set

2009-11-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Some of the Rolling Stones' more interesting and readily available material that has never seen an official release:

-"And Mr. Spector and Mr. Pitney Came Too": More or less the instrumental
version of Andrew's Blues aka 1964 Blues Jam on some releases.

-Bright Lights Big City: This early 1970s bootleg features tracks cut
at Chess Studios in 1964, and RCA Studios (L.A.) in 1965. Highlights include
Stewed and Keefed / Tell Me Baby / How Many Times / Down In The Bottom / Hi
Heel Sneakers / Looking Tired (with a riff lifted from Robert Johnson's "32-20
Blues," which Johnson lifted from Skip James' "20-20 Blues"). "Look What
You've Done" is from the same sessions, but was not on the album.

-Cops and Robbers: apparently a pretty good bootleg of mid-1960s
material. Don't know much more about it.

-(I Can See It) Get Yourself Together: Between The Buttons outtake
(1966). aka Can't Believe and I Can See It

-Cosmic Christmas: Satanic Majesties outtake (1967). Not really a song at
30 seconds, but interesting. (Essentially "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
played on a theremin. Backwards.)

-Hamburger To Go: Beggars Banquet outtake (1968)? Mentioned in The
First Twenty Years (1981 by David Dalton).

-Highway Child: Beggars Banquet outtake (1968). At one point, the riff
sounds like .38 Special's "Hold On Loosely"!

-Still A Fool: Muddy Waters cover. No other info.

-"Gimme Shelter" and "Dandelion": versions exist with Keith Richards on
vocals.

-Sister Morphine: a version exists with the Stones backing Marianne
Faithfull!

-You Got The Silver: a version exists with Mick Jagger on vocals

-Loving Cup / All Down The Line / Tumbling Dice: outtakes from the Let It
Bleed or Sticky Fingers sessions, all of which were re-recorded for
Exile On Main Street. "Tumbling Dice" is called "Good Time Women"
here, by the way.

-Live at the Marquee Club and Get Yer Leeds Lungs Out: The former is a concert, taped by BBC-TV, while the latter is audio only. Both are readily available if you know where to look.

Instant Rolling Stones boxed set

2009-11-08T08:35:00.000-08:00

I mentioned that the Stones are one of the few HUGE bands not to have released a boxed set. They DID release plenty of rare material during their golden era (1962-81) to make your own. Most of the titles below have probably passed through your hands at some point, or are easily findable for chump change (with one exception).

-Got Live If You Want It 1966 UK EP: Completely different from the American long player of the same name. From the EP, "I'm Alright" was released on the US version of Out of Our Heads. "Route 66" and "I'm Moving On" were released on the US LP December's Children (And Everybody's). "We Want The Stones" is a short excerpt of teens chanting, followed by 30 seconds of "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" and then a full recording of "Pain in My Heart." These last three titles are only on the UK EP, or as part of the 2004 ABKCO boxed set The Singles 1963–1965 (which contains otherwise previously released material).

-"I've Been Loving You Too Long" and "Fortune Teller": studio versions of
these songs had fake audience screaming added by Glynn Johns for inclusion on
the American 1966 Got Live If You Want It! LP. If you have a stereo copy of the album, turn your balance knob all the way to the left to drown out the audience.

-Con Le Mie Lacrime: "As Tears Go By" sung in Italian and released in Italy in 1966

-Da Doo Ron Ron: demo by the Andrew Loog Oldham Orchestra with Mick Jagger on
vocals.

-C*cks*cker Blues: The Stones' last single for Decca, from 1970, which was
obviously rejected by the label. Released on a quasi-legal 12" colored vinyl
single in 2007 in Europe.

-"Brown Sugar" and "Wild Horses": from the original U.S. pressings of Hot
Rocks (identifiable by the matrix number "XZAL 11018 Shelley / 11-18-71").
"Brown Sugar" is similar to the demo version heard in the hotel room scene in
Gimme Shelter. "Wild Horses" has noticeable vocal reverb added. This LP commands thousands of dollars, when you can find it, so you may have to copy the songs from "other" sources.

-Sway: single mix features a different take than the album

-Let It Rock (Live): additional track on the B-side of the UK "Brown Sugar"
single (1971); recorded live at the University of Leeds, 13 March 1971

-Brussels Affair 1973: An INCREDIBLE bootleg of a show
in... Brussels. Not released because, when the Stones split from Decca/ABKCO
in 1970, they had been signed to the label for 7 years. Hence, they agreed
not to re-record any of their Decca/ABKCO material for a further 7 years (and
6 of this album's 14 songs are from 1968-69). This is also why their first
live album after 1970's Got Live If You Want It was 1977's Love You
Live. Brussels is better than both, by the way.

-Through the Lonely Nights: B-side to "It's Only Rock 'n Roll (But I Like It)"
from 1974

-Miss You (Dance Version): "Special Disco Version" (1978) released asa 12"
single.

-Beast of Burden / Respectable / Shattered: The Stones' legendary 1978 appearance on Saturday Night Live is available on that show's season 4 boxed set.

-If I Was a Dancer (Dance Pt. 2): Emotional Rescue outtake that
originally appeared on 1981's Sucking in the Seventies (out of print).

-Beast of Burden (Live): B-side to "Going to a Go-Go" (1982); recorded live at
the "Rosemont Horizon", Chicago, 25 November 1981.

Beatles MONO boxed set

2009-11-08T08:03:00.001-08:00

I posted this a few weeks ago on my old blog, but here 'tis with updates!

9/9/09 finally brought reissues of The Beatles' entire catalog on CD. And most of you know that they are being released in stereo, too, as you'd expect. But the mono versions (i.e. "one speaker") are the ones to get. The Beatles assumed most pop listeners only had a mono turntable. AM radio was king, and it was in mono. TV was in mono. And (I'm surprised no other "reporter" has mentioned this) ABBEY ROAD STUDIOS WAS "IN MONO." Geoff Emerick (engineer on almost every Beatles session from 1966 forward) has said he was only allowed to monitor recording sessions through one speaker. EMI management apparently didn't want to "waste" two speakers on mere "pop" recordings, saving the wear and tear for classical recordings, or the necessary evil of stereo mixdowns.

The Beatles themselves rarely attended mixdown sessions until the Sgt. Pepper era, and then it was only the mono mix sessions. The stereo mixes were prepared much later by George Martin and an engineer, often accidentally leaving out important bits (or leaving in extraneous material) compared to the mono mix. In fairness to Martin and Emerick (who were integral to the Beatles' success), the stereo versions are more refined when it comes to editing, clarity, etc. The Beatles' perceived sound "balance" is the key in the mono mixes.

Every Beatles album was mixed and released in BOTH mono and stereo in the US and England through 1967's Magical Mystery Tour. After that, albums were all stereo in the U.S. (England/Europe did get a mono White Album, the majority of which was mixed by John and Paul in one marathon session. And again, the stereo mixes were done at another time by an engineer). In January, 1969, the Yellow Submarine soundtrack was released in England in mono, but it was merely a "fold down" of the stereo mix (i.e. like hitting the "mono" switch on your hi-fi). Unique and separate mono mixes HAD been prepared, though, and they are being released (for the first time) in the mono box.

Just as I did when the original CDs came out, I spent my first evening skipping around the Beatles' new mono boxed set. With a vast knowledge of not only the Beatles, but also recording technology and music theory, I am happy to share some observations/highlights with you...

REVOLVER-the whole layer of "grit" that seemed to be on the album is gone. I think it came from doing so many effects and sub-mixdowns to free up tracks, and they were new at it, and they had a new engineer (Geoff Emerick), so that's why it'll never have fidelity as high as Sgt. Pepper.

-Taxman-MORE COWBELL!

-Got to Get You Into My Life-punchier; fade out is different

-I'm Only Sleeping-more backwards guitars

-Tomorrow Never Knows-the guitar solo is differently mixed; tape loops not as prominent

SGT. PEPPER-cleaner sound

-She's Leaving Home-faster

-Good Morning-chicken cluck at the end is much less refined. Also, I noticed that John's pronunciation of "ruined" is the same as Stewie's on Family Guy.

-Sgt. Pepper (reprise)-mix is much less refined

-Within You Without You-seems "brighter"; laughing at the end is much more prominent

MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR

-Magical Mystery Tour-slightly different sound effects

-Your Mother Should Know-echo sounds slightly different

-I Am the Walrus-QUITE different... effects are timed differently, verse intros, etc., have extra beats in places, echo is different

-Baby You're a Rich Man-punchier

WHITE ALBUM-quite different. At first, it will sound more "closed in" than the stereo (i.e. a tad more muffled), but I consider it "cozier"

-Back In the USSR-different effects

-Don't Pass Me By-faster, different ending

-Helter Skelter- VERY different. More effects and totally different ending (no "Blisters," alas)

-Savoy Truffle-last 60 seconds are quite different. More extraneous noise in the track. Different guitar punch-ins/solos.

-Yer Blues-vocal echo is different

-Long Long Long-vocal echo is different

-Good Night-MUCH more prominent strings at the beginning

MONO MASTERS-a compilation of singles tracks, etc. not on any official album (essentially the "Past Masters" disks)

-Paperback Writer-this is the ORIGINAL mono 45 mix, which has vastly different and more jarring echo coming out of the chorus (reminds me of the Monkees' "Pleasant Valley Sunday")

Additionally, despite the release of the mono and stereo boxed sets, the recent "Capitol Albums" boxes, and the original 1987 CDs, there are STILL Beatles mixes (and recordings) out there that are currently unavailable through legitimate means. None are really mind-blowing, but if you found a garage sale flyer designed by Picasso, wouldn't you at least want to tell people about it?!

-"All My Loving": a rare German compilation, "Beatles Greatest," features a hi-hat intro to this song

-"And I Love Her": alternate German version with six-bar ending, available on the 1980 LP, "Rarities"

-"I Feel Fine": version on the British "1962-66" album has strange "whispering" in the intro

-"Help!": mono single mix with different vocals than LP, available on the 1980 LP, "Rarities"

-Live at the Hollywood Bowl (1977): An LP of songs from shows at the venue in 1964 and 1965.

-rare mixes of "Day Tripper" and "We Can Work It Out" are on the U.S. "Yesterday and Today" album

-early mixes of "I'm Only Sleeping," "Doctor Robert" and "And Your Bird Can Sing" appear on the US "Yesterday and Today" album

-"Penny Lane": U.S. promotional 45 has mono version with extra piccolo trumpet solo on the end

-"Tomorrow Never Knows": VERY early British mono pressings of Revolver feature an alternate mix of this song. These pressings were apparently deleted after the first day and replaced with the "common" mix (on the Mono boxed set). The matrix number (in the runout groove of side 2) on this pressing is XEX 606-2.

-"A Day In The Life": version with "clean" opening (no applause leftover from "Sgt. Pepper (Reprise)") is on "The Beatles 1967-1970"

-"I Am the Walrus": stereo version compiled from various mixes features six-bar intro and extra beats before the "Yellow matter custard" verse; available on the 1980 LP, "Rarities"

-The Beatles' Christmas Album (1970): All 7 of the group's annual Christmas messages, compiled on one LP and sent to fan club members in 1970.

-This doesn't even take into account bootlegs (alternate takes of familiar songs), video soundtracks (the Shea stadium concert; the 1968 documentary "Music!"), BBC recordings (many of which remain unissued), songs "missing" from the vaults (such as the slow version of "Please Please Me" and Paul's "Et Cetera"), unissued songs ("Carnival of Light" and the long version of "Helter Skelter"), the whole 1962 Decca audition tape, the complete 1968 Kinfauns demos for "The White Album," the entire 1969 "Get Back"/"Let It Be" Sessions, concerts that are known to have been recorded in some form (Budokan, Candlestick Park, Sam Houston Coliseum, Cleveland), the "Let It Be" film, their Saturday Morning cartoon series, etc....

JACKSON 5/WHO TO TOUR NEXT YEAR

2009-10-28T21:54:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry...

As one Jackson is laid to rest, others are about to return from oblivion.

Jermaine, Jackie, Tito and Marlon Jackson announced a new tour at a press conference today, joined by British rockers, Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey.

The 6 Rock and Roll Hall of Famers will join forces next year for “Who’s Left,” an ambitious 30-city extravaganza of “sight, sound and merchandising” assembled by TRD Productions.

Townshend, guitarist and principal songwriter for The Who, said “we have been touring for almost 10 years without key members in our lineup, and I feel the Jackson brothers can keep things going till I’ve paid off my civil suits.”

Daltrey admits he had reservations about Michael’s famous off-spring joining the Who tour.
“All they do is sing, all I do is sing… It seemed Peter was trying to replace me, but I reminded him that I have many more frequent flyer miles than he, and the situation resolved itself.”

Harv Moshman, a concert industry analyst, noted that both groups have had economic problems as of late. “The Who’s tours have gotten steadily more thrifty. Instead of smashing their guitars for a finale, Pete Townshend merely clips his guitar stings. [Drummer] Zak Starkey uses breakaway drumsticks that crack cleanly and are easily re-assembled. The Jacksons’ back catalog sells respectably, but their tours consist mainly of comparison shopping at various IKEAs around the country.” (“Tito” is Swedish for “affordable home furnishing,” and is the name of the Dutch company’s best-selling chaise).

Moshman added that the timing of this announcement isn’t due to the King of Pop’s passing. “To put a tour together this quickly after Michael’s death would be impossible. Clearly, this has been in the works. Pun intended.”

Tom Fitzgerald, spokesman for TRD, added that band is aware of economic pressure on their fans, and have priced tickets accordingly. The best seats, those in the hilariously named “Gold Circle,” will range in price from $300-$700 a piece, while the cheapest seats, in the parking lot, will be just $80 if purchased online (though this does not include the cost of parking a vehicle).

COPS QUESTION WITNESS IN CENSUS MURDER

2009-10-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

Here's another scoop from your favorite blogger.

Mentally retarded man thought he was being helpful

Nearly a month after census worker Bill Sparkman was found dead in Kentucky, authorities are still trying to determine why he was killed.

On Thursday, Police caught a break when 61-year-old Marc Zortman made a stunning statement.

Sparkman's body, found hanging from a tree with "fed" scrawled on it, was apparently on the ground and graffiti-free when Marc saw it, 12 hours before Police arrived on the scene.
Zortman, who resides at Shady Hills Hospital due to an IQ of 90, was out on a weekly hike when he saw what looked like "one of them store-window people, you know?" Approaching cautiously so "I wouldn't miss any blue light specials," he was saddened to find a lifeless body and not a mannequin. Instead of reporting the death, Marc simply "hung up the body like a sticky note." He then claims he "wrote 'feed' on it, so somebody would give the poor fella a meal. I mean, he looked beat." The mis-spelling to "fed," coupled with the rope used to "post" Sparkman's body, disturbed valuable forensic evidence and led Police to conclude it was an anti-goverment hanging. But the FBI say there's not much they can do to Zortman given his IQ.

"Marc doesn't really understand death or dying, and he certainly can't check vitals" said Dr. Edward Klein, Zortman's physician. "He was probably just trying to help, like anyone would if they found a hungry cat or dog." Klein's explanation cleared Zortman of any wrongdoing, and the pair were back at the hospital in time for Marc's favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men.

Paul McCartney Boxed Set in 2010

2009-10-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

In 1981, and again in 1987, Paul McCartney considered releasing an LP of outtakes titled Hot Hitz/Cold Cuts (or something similar).

John Lennon's unconscionable death scuttled the '81 release, and I would guess that in '87 Paul simply wanted to forget Wings (who play on much of this material).

McCartney and the Rolling Stones (more on them soon) are probably the only major acts to have never released such a collection. Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Led Zeppelin and The Who are major acts who HAVE released such collections. They had quality material, insatiable fanbases and long careers to satisfy.

Now, it seems there will be a 4 CD boxed set released in 2010 of unreleased material.

Those tunes I have heard are first rate, and many are available on a site whose name rhymes with YouTube.

Tentative track list is below, with my notes in brackets...

DISK 1: 1969-1972
1. Goodbye [demo for Mary Hopkin's hit version]
2. Maybe I'm Amazed - 1st original mix by Chris Thomas
3. Every Night - take 1
4. Rode All Night - edit
5. A Love For You [available on the soundtrack for the unnecessary 2003 remake of The In-Laws]
6. Little Lamb Dragonfly - without strings
7. Get On The Right Thing - take 1
8. Monkberry Moon Delight - alternate vocal take
9. Sunshine Sometime
10. Big Barn Bed - complete Ram ukulele version
11. Dear Friend - w/o strings and horns
12. Some People Never Know - oboe version
13. Breakfast Blues - instrumental edit
14. Mary Had A Little Lamb - long version
15. Give Ireland Back To The Irish - slow version take 2
16. Tragedy
17. Thank You Darling
18. Soily -1972 studio version [ROCK]
19. Best Friend - studio version
20. The Mess - studio version
21. C Moon Jam - with John Bonham
22. Lazy Dynamite - long version
23. Night Out - instrumental
24. Hi Hi Hi - slow verson
25. Only One More Kiss - take 1

Disc 2: 1973-1978
1. Gotta Sing Gotta Dance [from Paul's 1973 TV special]
2. Why am I crying
3. I Lie Around
4. Six o'Clock [for Ringo's 1973 LP Ringo]
5. Bluebird
6. Let's Love (April 1974 Version) [recorded by Peggy Lee]
7. Send Me The Heart (Take 1)
8. Blackpool
9. One Hand Clapping Theme [from Paul's unreleased 1974 documentary about Wings]
1O. Live & Let Die (74 Version) [No idea why he would re-record this in 1974... maybe they were going to replace Roger Moore with George Lazenby?]
11. Soily (74 Version)
12. Love In Song (Take 1)
13. Rockshow (74 Version)
14. Wild Cat
15. Baby Face
16. The Note You Never Wrote (Take 1, Paul & Denny Everly's Version)
17. Silly Love Songs (Fun Version)
18. Must Do Something About It (Paul on vocal)
19. She's My Baby (Rock Version)
20. Waterspout [ROCK]
21. One Woman
22. Girlfriend (First Version)
23. Twelve Of The Clock
24. Did We Meet Somewhere Before [played under the opening scene of Rock 'n Roll High School]
25. Goodnight Tonight (Original 1978 Version)

Disc 3: 1979-1986
1. Love awake (Ranachan Version) [Ranachan is Paul's ranch... clever]
2. Rockestra Theme (Wings Version) [Re-recorded with members of the Who and Led Zeppelin, winning a Grammy in 1979... this is great music for editing together highlights from your Snowboarding Fantasy Camp]
3. Cage
4. Robber's Ball
5. Blue Sway
6. Attention (Paul's guide vocal) [for Ringo's 1981 LP Stop & Smell the Roses]
7. Ode to a Koala bear (Take 1)
8. Rainclouds/George Martin & Paul dialogue about John
9. Blackpool (1981 version)
10. All the Love is There (With Stewart Copeland on Drums)
11. I'll Give You a Ring
12. No Values (1981 Montserrat Version)
13. Tug Of War (1st string arrangement version)
14. Stop You Don't Know Where She Came From (With great Brass section)
15. Long & Winding Road / Ebony & Ivory Strawberry jam medley (With Stevie Wonder) [on a side note, track down Stevie's funky 1966 cover of "We Can Work It Out"]
16. Tug Of War acoustic reprise
17. The Fool On The Hill
18. Martha My Dear / Gloriana Medieval Guitar Piece Medley
19. Your School
20. Lindiana [if you don't get the joke, you are dead inside... call your HMO]
21. Yvonne
22. Goodtimes Coming / Feel The Sun (Long Version)
23. Angry long jam version (with Pete Townsend & Phil Collins) [He must have been Angry that Phil Collins was in the room... I would be, too. The man may be a life-sized Cabbage Patch Kid, but boy can he play the drums]
24. Hey Diddle (Paul & Linda duet, Chris Thomas 1986 version)
25. Linda
26. Who Let the Dogs Out [just kidding]

Top Chef & Hell's Kitchen

2009-10-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

I hate reality TV. The inane competitions- don't we have enough problems these days? The shaky camera work which has infected all other TV. The lame, talent-less private citizens (or Z-list celebs) duking it out for the privilege of looking idiotic in front of millions of people (and maybe a few bucks). Who needs it?

Lately, though, my limited TV watching has expanded to include Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen.

Both programs feature (mostly) talented competitors and (occasionally) talented or engaging hosts who actually get involved in the action. Has Jeff Probst ever eaten live worms? Do I care if he does? NO! But Gordon Ramsay yelling about salty risotto is a treat.

Watching these programs, I realize I could never be a chef or run a restaurant. Frankly, I don't even think I'm qualified to be a "foodie."

Problem the first: Most dishes involves seafood. YUCK. I HATE SEAFOOD. I hate everything that comes out of the sea. Bass, trout, crab, lobster, old tires... I realize these are delicacies to most of you, but that "fishy smell" puts me off every time. Old tires are an exception; they burn really well and prized for their flavor in that one country shaped like a shoelace.

Other unconventional meats (venison, quayle) keep popping up on the shows as well. Where's the Kobe beef? Free-range chicken? Pork? And why are the portions so small? Every dish has a morsel of food. Not cool. I don't want to stuff myself, but I also don't want to judge a chef's future on a Rubik's Cube.

They also challenge my pronounciation of SO many dishes. Is it "ri-SO-to" or "ri-sat-to"? "G'nocchi" or "No-chi"? "Cardamom" or "Cardamon"? They should do what I do... just point at the menu and say to the waiter "bring me thiiiiiiiiiissssssss" like a 4-year-old.

Chef Gordon Ramsay is my hero. His high standards and passion for EVERYthing, coupled with a delightful potty mouth, can't be beat.

The Top Chef hosts, however, leave me cold (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha). Tom Coliciciciiioo has the warmth of a humorless gym teacher waiting for the chubby kid to finish the mile run. Padma Laxmi may know what she likes, but she seems to know nothing about the culinary arts. She speaks only to jump on a bashing bandwagon ("That WAS salty, wasn't it, Tom?"). Her major duties seem to be setting up the opening challenge ("Quick Fire"), disappearing for 48 minutes, then popping in at the end to say "please send in your colleagues" to the losing chefs. In between, she must be in her trailer on Match.com, trying to find "The World's Most Boring Husband." (Side note: this woman has major Daddy issues, and I don't think she should be around this many knives so often).

And who's dressing her? In promos, she's wearing a shiny blue dress and the world's longest pony tail. I knew this was the Las Vegas edition of "Top Chef" because she looks like craps.

The final recurring judge is Toby Young, who you may remember from Elton John's revival of Kojak. This acid-tongued Brit has struck the perfect balance between Queen Bitch and Serious Gourmand. Colicchio should be replaced by Young, while Padma should be replaced by Gordon Ramsay. In a dress.

To sum up, Top Chef gets a C. "C" for contrived. Hell's Kitchen is an A, kept from an A+ only because of its erratic schedule and Chef Ramsay's restraining order against me. (Gordon: There is a crack starting in the foundation of your house, just below the left rear window in the sun room. It's not huge, but I'd get it patched before winter).

Welcome

2009-10-28T20:36:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my blog... I'll be writing about music, television, films, media, technology and how they fit into society. But I'm a grumpy young man so watch out. There'll be no ironic pop culture references aimed at Gen X/Y.

Let's Be Careful Out There,
KB